ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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