I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
