two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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