Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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