I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
