I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
