so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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