That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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