How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
