At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
