it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
