Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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