I molested 6 butterflies tonight
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
