This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
