cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
