You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is Oprah even human
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
