that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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