Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
