She said her name was "party"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
