i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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