I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
