So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
