Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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