everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
