She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
