i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
