I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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