White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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