Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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