If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
