i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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