I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
