How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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