gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
