Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
