Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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