some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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