my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
