lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
