I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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