my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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