I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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