Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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