i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
