yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
