you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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