I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
