U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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