did you get engaged???
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
