Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
