i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
